Last night was a unique, challenging, and beautiful night.
One Friday night per quarter, my school hosts a worship
night for all high school students. It is typically a powerful night of
worship, allowing students and teachers time to connect to God and each
other. I always look forward to worship
nights, although worship night weeks are always busy, as it is my job to plan
the music and rehearse the band leading up to the event. Last night was the first worship night of the
year, and God showed up for me in a way I never expected Him to.
As it was the first worship night of the year, the musicians
I chose had not worked together for a worship night before. In addition, for training purposes, I asked
one of the senior students to lead the worship night, including choosing music
and rehearsing the band through the rehearsals, a job that I had done for all of
the previous worship nights. It was a lot of change and confusion at the
same time. Because of this, we didn’t
have adequate practice time and we weren’t as organized as worship night
worship teams have been before. We were
rehearsing the final run-through as the people entered, and we didn’t even know
who started some of the songs or what key we were playing in. The students did their best effort with the
amount of change and practice time as we had; I was proud of them. But the music quality, though, was less than polished
performance quality, on the shoulders of no one except myself.
For those of you who know me as a musician, you know that I
am quite a perfectionist when it comes to public performances. I struggle to present a finished project that
is not of high quality, and if the lack of quality is my responsibility, I feel
quite burdened for a while after the event.
When I get really upset, I become very negative and cynical, refusing to
show emotion to anyone around me.
Because of this, I wasn’t myself through most of the worship night. As I played the bass in the background of our
band, I couldn’t help thinking “how can people worship to this music?” and “Is
this quality of performance truly bringing God glory?” I knew these questions were
irrational, but they were my immediate thoughts. I was crying out to God to get this night
over with as quickly as possible. This
pessimistic thinking continued for about three-quarters of the worship night.
But for one song, I took a chance to look out of my music to
actually see the people who I was leading.
And the beautiful sight that I saw changed my whole perspective on the
evening. I saw one teacher raising his
hands in worship. I saw another teacher,
who openly professes to not enjoying contemporary music, singing a modern song
at the top of his lungs. I saw a senior
leader of our school standing and worshipping, lifting hands, with heart
abandoned to God. I saw a few younger
students kneeling in prayer. I saw two
friends comforting each other as they cried, swept away in His love. I saw 5 high school boys, who usually focus
on their friends around, actually singing and engaging with the worship. I saw the members of my band presenting a
message that was so real and relevant.
And very quickly I felt guilty for missing the work that He was
doing.
During the last few songs, I took the time to get right with
God. I followed the example of the
people in the audience, truly worshipping God and praising Him for his
goodness. I felt freedom, joy, and peace
– feelings only God can bring. After the
music finished, we had some coffee and tea and hung out with the students, who
are such a blessing. It truly turned out
to be a great evening, with God speaking to many people, even though I had
written it off as a failed night of worship.
How foolish can I be?
As I drove, I was blown away by the message that I
learned. Yes, God uses us to do His work
on the earth, but He doesn’t need us. He
doesn’t need our highest quality music or the most polished band. He doesn’t need perfection; in fact He
doesn’t even want perfection. He just
wants our hearts. He wants us to
completely surrender to Him, and then He shows up, independently of our
efforts. This message is one that I’ve
heard so often, but had yet to truly believe until last night. I always put so much effort and importance
into teaching and performing high quality music, so much that it is easy to
forget the reason why I choose to perform music: to glorify God. He desires our highest praise, but that praise
doesn’t always come through musical quality – that comes through a life surrendered
to God. I pray that I will use this
situation as a defining moment in my career, and I will never let the music
come before the message again. Praise
God that He works through our weaknesses to bring Himself greater glory.
Although last night might not have been a success musically,
it was a success in ministry, thanks to Him, not me.
And for that, I am thankful.
Luke Forshey
August 27, 2016
